Q&A: Tips for talking with a loved one about substance use

Sadly, this type of situation is increasingly common, especially since the start of the pandemic.

One of the key things to keep in mind is that shame doesn't work as a motivator.  When people are drinking or using too much, they might already feel ashamed.  Criticizing them, blaming them, telling them what to do, just pushes them further away. 

The challenge is to be as supportive as possible and help your brother understand his own goals and how his substance use may be interfering with those goals, without imposing your own goals/wishes/hopes/expectations onto him.

At the same time, it's important to ever so gingerly challenge him to move in the right direction. This is incredibly difficult.

Try to identify what is motivating your brother’s excessive use. What are his concerns? What is he worrying about?

Keep in mind that even if your brother rejects what you say out of hand, that doesn't mean he didn't hear you. It requires incredible patience and tact to encourage someone to get help or alter his behavior.

Throughout the process, be sure to have personal or professional support for your own well-being.  Al Anon or AA are generally useful; however, seeing a caring individual therapist is often more productive.

Following are tools and resources you might also find helpful:

• Alcohol and drug use resource site, including a “check your symptoms” tool
• A printable worksheet on Reasons to Cut Down on or Stop Drinking