Would you be ready to decide someone’s healthcare?

You’re used to making decisions about healthcare for yourself and your kids.

But how would you feel about speaking on behalf of others close to you? When a family member or friend can’t express their wishes in life-altering situations, others are asked to step in — often unexpectedly.

For peace of mind, consider using April 16 — National Healthcare Decision Day — to spark a conversation about what they would want if an illness or accident made it impossible for them to speak for themselves.

Key part of the plan

An advance care plan spells out in writing (or on video) what’s important to someone who is seriously injured, sick or near the end of life. One of the key points in a plan is a healthcare agent or decisionmaker.

Depending on where a loved one lives, you might be the decisionmaker, by default, for:

• A spouse or ex-spouse
• Parent(s)
• Grandparent(s)
• Sibling(s)
• Extended family members (aunt, uncle, niece, nephew)
• A close friend

Are you ready to decide what kind of care they receive? Do you know what they‘d want?

Keep in mind, you might not be the only one involved. If so, would you and the other(s) all agree on care decisions?

“It can be an emotional topic, but if tackled when you’re not in crisis, making some decisions now may ease the stress and anguish later,” says Lindsey Boldrin, an advance care planning program coordinator at PeaceHealth in northwest Washington. “Having open discussion about one’s wishes before a medical emergency is a gift to family and can provide peace of mind.”

Hard now or harder later 

There are a few situations where it can feel especially tense.

Think of a family with four sisters and brothers who hold very different ideas about the kind of care their ailing mother should get in her last days. It can be difficult for families to stay together through a trying time like that.

Or you might know a friend who has been estranged from his former wife but never officially divorced. Did you know that by some state laws, his ex could be the one to make health decisions for him?

“Many of us have seen loved ones go through a health crisis. It can be eye-opening to see what happens,” says Kelly Hughey, an advance care planning program coordinator at PeaceHealth in southwest Washington.  “These can serve as powerful examples to help you know what you want for yourself and what conversations to have with family."

Talking early about advance care planning might help you avoid unnecessary strain in times of uncertainty or grief.

Where to start

You can find a vast array of free resources at PeaceHealth to get you started. Booklets, checklists, recorded webinars and in-person classes can help you understand the kind of questions that come up with serious medical conditions or near the end of life.

Advance care planning can quickly become a deep subject. If it’s new for you, keep it simple.

Focus on the following:

1. Who is the healthcare agent for your closest relative(s)? Ask if they have shared their choice with everyone (their doctor, family, etc.). Let them know who their default agent would be, if they haven’t recorded a choice. 

2. If you’re a healthcare agent — either by default or at specific request — ask for a brief outline of their wishes. Here are a few questions you might ask:

• Do they want CPR (chest compressions) to restart their heart?
• Do they want to be hooked up to a ventilator if they can’t breathe on their own?
• If they’re expected to die soon, do they want to pass at home or somewhere else?

3. Is there a record on file about who your loved one’s healthcare agent is? Private conversations are fine, but the choice of an agent needs to be public. This ensures legal protection in case someone challenges a decision.

4. Have you chosen your own healthcare agent? Have you told others? Would you be okay with the default decisionmaker(s) according to your state’s rules?

5. Have you shared a brief outline of your wishes with your healthcare agent and primary care provider?

You can delve deeper into the subject. But being or choosing a healthcare agent is one of the most important. That’s because everything else hinges on that choice.

“You’re not alone when it comes to having this conversation,” says Christina Yarbrough, an advance care planning program coordinator at PeaceHealth in Oregon. “We work with people every day to talk about their choices. Knowing ahead of time what your loved one wants can give you great peace of mind.”