VANCOUVER, WA – Holidays can be difficult if you’ve lost a loved one. Colleen Storey, holistic care supervisor at PeaceHealth Hospice, knows well how heavy grief can be. Storey shares, “Holidays can be full of triggers for people who are grieving. Memories of happier times can bring pain.” Still, she says there are ways to find peace during special occasions.
PeaceHealth Hospice and Hope Bereavement’s annual Celebration of Remembrance for loved ones is from 6:30 – 8 p.m. PT on Dec. 18. This live-streamed holiday event is hosted online and can be accessed at peacehealth.org/celebration-remembrance. PeaceHealth invites the community to participate in this meaningful event and take a moment to honor loved ones they are missing during this special time of year.
Storey shares there are many feelings that arise during the holidays - carrying on family traditions may seem empty without your loved one. You might wonder: Who will cook the family meal? Wrap the gifts? Light the menorah? Perform the ritualistic prayers? It’s important to talk with friends or family about which traditions, if any, you want to keep and how.
You can also choose to celebrate in new and different ways. Maybe repeating familiar traditions makes the absence of your loved one more obvious and more painful. Do what is best for you. Consider these ideas:
- Allow a family member or a restaurant to be responsible for the family dinner.
- Plan to go out of town to visit friends or for a personal time of change and quiet reflection.
- Shop catalogs or online if the noise of holiday shoppers and the mall is too intense.
- Reduce your mailing list. Send holiday greetings to only a select few.
- Buy the “perfect gift” for the deceased loved one and donate it to a homeless shelter or family gift program.
- Eliminate the stress of a live tree. Decorate a table-top tree or place a centerpiece of evergreens on your table. It can be just as festive.
- Participate in gift-giving in other ways. Volunteer at a soup kitchen or assist a needy family.
- Keep your loved one’s name and spirit alive by donating to a cause they supported.
If you know someone who is grieving, consider what might help them. One of the best things you can do is validate their feelings.
Storey adds, “Often, others are afraid to say the name of our loved one due to worrying they may upset us. What people do not understand is we need to hear the name of our loved one spoken aloud. It helps us to remain connected. It helps us to know they were important in our lives and still are.” Here are ways to help others who might be struggling at this time:
- Acknowledge their loss.
- Ask questions and listen.
- Offer or extend practical help.
- Be patient. Grief is a lifelong process, not an event.
Self-care is always important, but especially when you’re grieving. One simple approach is to practice DEER: Drink water. Eat well. Exercise. Rest. These are good habits to follow, especially when you don’t feel much like doing them.
Keep in mind that feelings change. It might be hard to imagine when you’re amid loss, but you can again experience peace and joy. “As time goes by, you will again be able to enjoy the holidays,” assures Storey.
Learn more about Colleen Storey here.
About PeaceHealth: PeaceHealth, based in Vancouver, Wash., is a non-profit Catholic health system offering care to communities in Washington, Oregon and Alaska. PeaceHealth has approximately 16,000 caregivers, nearly 3,200 physicians and clinicians, more than 160 clinics and 9 medical centers serving both urban and rural communities throughout the Northwest. In 1890, the Sisters of St. Joseph of Peace founded what has become PeaceHealth. The Sisters shared expertise and transferred wisdom from one medical center to another, always finding the best way to serve the unmet need for healthcare in their communities. Today, PeaceHealth is the legacy of the founding Sisters and continues with a spirit of respect, stewardship, collaboration and social justice in fulfilling its Mission. Visit us online at peacehealth.org.
